Updates....just random stuff

Not much creativity here tonight, so I'm just going to give you the facts, ma'am, just the facts. (and some random musings from my week)

1.  if you are going to have a Jesus bumper sticker on your car, you ought to think about driving well & courteously.

2. It is terrifying to hand over documents you've spent countless hours (and just a little coin on) to someone and feel great about them taking care of the package appropriately for you.  Not too comforting.

3. it's crazy to compile all the documents needed for this International dossier, but it sure is fun to show my little boy's picture and tell the story of how we are now a family of 6.  At least I can be glad about that while 
I'm imagining a couple of truck loaders tossing my certified documents around like a sack of potatoes.


4.  if you ever consider wallpapering over panelling, please, for the love of mustard, DON'T. Future generations will thank you.  If you must, at least have the courtesy to put it on with really weak adhesive.

5. don't smoke in your home unless you NEVER plan to sell it to another living soul.

6.  make sure you get a REALLY good deal on a house that's been previously smoked in.  a REALLY, UNBELIEVABLY GOOD DEAL.

7. and hope that you find a really good deal on Kilz and paint.

8.  the US Immigration office (USCIS for short) doesn't know the difference between a 9 and a 1.  And because of that, they decided that we hadn't really paid for Audra's biometrics (aka fingerprinting).

9. and apparently the department who cashed our check and the department who is handling our case aren't speaking to each other right now.  Lover's spat???

10.  The USCIS requires a copy of the FRONT AND BACK of the canceled check (for the right amount) that THEY misread as $80 too short.  And, unfortunately, your case is on hold until you can produce said copy of canceled check.

11.  The bank doesn't open until 8:30am.  Oh, they answer the phones and let you drive through at 7:30am, but it really doesn't do any good to arrive at, say 8:19am on a cold Monday morning if you need to get a copy of a canceled check.  Even if the US Immigration Service is waiting on you.

12.  I write really good blogs full of wit, zingers, interesting tidbits and compelling information while I'm driving in my car...with no access to the blog.

13.  my short term memory is shot.  can't remember much about the award-winning blogs I wrote somewhere along the I-65 corridor.

14.  i love adoption travel blogs.

15.  i'm terribly saddened by adoption travel blogs.

16.  We REALLY need a few more (hundred) contestants for the Ipod Nano giveaway.  Or the winner selected will have the distinct honor of having his or her shiny red Ipod Nano Touch purchased for them by an adorable 2 year old little guy who is waiting to come home. 

17.  The adorable 2 year old doesn't have the money to buy anyone an Ipod.  Even if he could get a good deal in China.

18.  Only $10 a chance (more $; more chances!)  for a good cause.  details in last blog entry.

19.  I'm incredibly jealous of, but SO THANKFUL for Megan, Donna & Diana.  Three women I've never met but who so unselfishly offered to take a care package to my son & get pictures & video of him this week, while they were on their own adoption trips.  Three little boys are coming home forever in a few days. Wow!  This stuff doesn't get old.  (and, they have some great pics on their blogs of what we will be experiencing next Spring)

20.  A baby changes everything.  (Love the song; love the truth.)

21.  OHHHH!!  I almost forgot to update:  my dad is doing well. Turns out, his medication was all messed up and caused him to pass out.  BUT, the God thing in all this is that they found a clot during all the random testing and were able to begin to dissolve it.  Had it gone unnoticed, it would have probably killed him.  We're grateful that he passed out and fell off the ladder (well, not really, but, you know....)  Cool thing - his heart is good, and he has no restrictions.  We'll all be together this year for Christmas.  and we'll also be giving thanks!

Congratulations on getting through the whole post.  Your reward?  A picture of our son doing what Kroeker boys do best.  :)  Is that a Twinkie?  In China?!

Music to Soothe a Toddler's Soul UPDATE

UPDATE.  We have had to cancel this fundraiser for now.  The donations haven't come in to cover the cost of the Ipod, so we feel that it would be wrong to take money OUT of Joel's adoption fund to purchase it.  Sorry to the few that sent donations in; if we have another fundraiser like this, we'll be sure to add your names into the hat!  If you'd rather, we would be happy to return your donation; just let us know.  Thanks for understanding.

Merry Christmas, everyone!!

Life is Messy

I don't always get what I want; God always takes me places where I need to go.  The things I want (naturally) are not good for me; the things God knows I need bring life & growth.  I want EASY, but with wonderful results.  I've got to do HARD to actually get stronger and more healthy, physically, relationally, emotionally, spiritually.


I really enjoy the show The Biggest Loser.  I wish I could say that I walk on the treadmill while I watch, but I don't.  I'm more likely to enjoy a fine glass of milk with cookies while watching the contestants bust their fannies. The show, however, gives me hope, encouragement & inspiration (and a good kick in the pants occasionally).  If an out-of-shape 350 pound woman can courageously push herself to work out for 4-5 hours, why can't I do 45 minutes without complaining?  I love the feeling after I've worked out; I often have trouble motivating myself to do it.


Until now.


I'm living in a messy life right now.  In the past 4 months, my world has turned upside down.  

• My precious sister lost her beloved husband in a tragic accident, leaving her a widow with 2 small boys to raise without their daddy.  
• About 4 weeks later, my brother's family experienced difficult challenges following a family member's stroke.  
• My mother-in-law has been officially diagnosed with Stage 1, Parkinson's disease.
• I've changed jobs twice in 3 months: from a 6-year tenure in children's ministries, to an all-too-short stint with a foundation involved in orphan care & advocacy, to an unexpected new position caring for and managing the affairs of my in-laws.  
• And last night, I got a call that my dad was in the hospital for some tests after passing out.  He's a past heart patient.  Preliminary tests are good, but we wait for more news.

OH, and we're adopting the most amazing little man in China....after a 15 year gap raising a toddler...as mid-forty-somethings...and one of us packed on 20 pounds this winter: carb-loading & sleep deprived while rocking babies non-stop for 6 months.  


I think it's an octopus who is dropping shoes in my world.


I'm tired.


But, just as sitting on the couch savoring cookies and milk will not make me strong, healthy and able to handle physical challenges, taking the easy road, having no strife, no mess, no craziness may make me relationally, spiritually, emotionally weak and out of breath when the hard stuff comes (and it DOES come).


I love that God is with the crazy,
the messy,
the hard.


Last week, I posted on my Facebook that I felt "worn down, like a piece of glass".  It's a phrase from "Give Me the Meltdown" by one of my favorites artists, Rob Thomas, off his amazing Cradlesong CD.  (side note: it's a tribute album to his wife in their journey living with her auto-immune disease.)  When I wrote those phrases, they simply captured what I was feeling, but God used one of my friends to encourage me in her response:

"Sea glass... Tumbled trash then comes on shore as beautiful treasure."

I imagine that she had no idea how God would use those words to encourage me in the messiness (thank you, Jamie!!)  Without the tumbling, sandy grit, turbulent water and mess of the ocean, we would simply find sharp, possibly harmful pieces of trash littering the shoreline instead of beautiful, smooth, pieces of glass that are then often woven into captivating artwork.  So, I'm trying to accept the messy, turbulent, gritty journey I'm in right now and waiting for the day that God takes my smoothed out, worn down, shiny story & places it alongside others smoothed out, worn down, shiny stories into a beautiful, translucent piece of art that allows His glory and light to be revealed.

Sea Glass Art

Scottish Fishermans Museum by dumbledad

"One of the most unique and beautiful souvenirs you can find along any seaside or lakeside beach are bits of sea glass polished and cured by the waves....Their beauty lies in their colors, especially when light is shown through them and because of that, some collectors will eventually turn this debris into some truly astounding art."  (from http://www.odysseyseaglass.com)

In the "tumbler", I'm comforted by these words:

All my longings lie open before you, Lord; 

my sighing is not hidden from you.

Psalm 38:9

And, from the 2nd chapter of Jonah:

 You hurled me into the depths, into the very heart of the seas,
   and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers swept over me.
I said, ‘I have been banished from your sight;
yet I will look again toward your holy temple.’
The engulfing waters threatened me,
   the deep surrounded me;
   seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
   the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God, 

brought my life up from the pit.

My Father is Lord of the ocean.

I'm not alone in the gritty turbulence.

Hallelujah.

In honor of my son, and other sons & daughters

Natural child: any child who is not artificial. 

Real parent: any parent who is not imaginary. 

Your own child: any child who is not someone else’s child. 

Adopted child: a natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own!

To celebrate Adoption/Orphan Awareness Month, I thought I'd share a few resources that celebrate positive adoption language.  I'm sure this is redundant for many of you who are in the adoption community, but I thought these were helpful to bring a sweet light on the beauty of building our families in this way, and to dispell some of the old ways of thinking that this is somehow a "plan B" at best.  Disclaimer:  I really think that we all can go overboard on the whole politically correct thinking/language issue and that most of the time, people do not mean the insensitive, hurtful things they unwittingly say, whether it's about adoption, ethnicity, social or economic status, or whatever.  I think it's important to have some degree of thick skin, a ton of grace & meaningful education in all things.  Life's too short to split hairs, but words can truly wound and reveal the heart of one's attitude.  I'm more concerned about our heart toward adopted children rather than the actual words we use, but this is good food for thought.

"First introduced by Minneapolis social worker Marietta Spencer more than 20 years ago, positive adoption language is crafted to give the maximum respect, dignity, responsibility, and objectivity about the decisions made by both birthparents and adoptive parents in discussing the family planning decisions they have made for children who have been adopted. By using positive adoption language, we help abolish the old stereotype that adoption is second best – a dirty little secret that everyone knows about. 

If you stop and really think about what you’re saying, positive adoption language is just common sense. For example, take terms such as real parent, real mother, real father, real family – these terms imply that an adopted child is not a real part of the family. By using phrases like this, you are invalidating both the child being a “real” part of the family and the “realness” of the family itself. 

Through the use of positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. By consistently speaking (and writing) in positive adoption language, someday this language will become commonplace – and the old hurtful terms will only serve to expose those who choose to be mean and small-minded. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption, like birth, is just another way to build a family. Both are important, but one is not necessarily better than the other."  [Excerpted from "International Adoption Guidebook," Mary M. Strickert © 2004] 

Here are a couple more links to read or share:

http://international.adoption.com/foreign/adoption-language-2.html

http://www.holtinternational.org/adoption/language.shtml

http://www.ppl.org/adoptlan.html

Happy Adoption/Orphan Awareness Month!!  We're thankful to have a new reason to celebrate this year. :)

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.  John 14:18

Is Love Enough? Depends...

A must read blog entry.  As my pastor would say, this is a "cookies on the bottom shelf" kind of post.  Honest, real, accessible, hopeful.


Here's the first paragraph.

Adopting in response to your faith, answering "the call of adoption," means nothing if you don't adopt to love a child. Yes, y'all, it really IS that simple. Don't adopt to save a child. Nor to rescue a child. And definitely don't do it just to prove or grow your faith. Or to join the "in crowd." If you aren't adopting to love a child, then STOP. Don't adopt. You won't gain anything. Neither will the child. The end.

Read the rest here.  So worth it:

http://ourlittletongginator.blogspot.com/2010/05/love-and-adoption.html

We Know Better

I found this on another blog today and thought I'd share.  The whole blog entry is worth reading as well; this is just a part.  

"What is happening to orphans right now as I write?

They are hungry.
They are eating trash.
They are chased away from the trash.
They are naked.
They are exhausted from running scared all the time.
They are tied up.
They live without shelter.
They live in fear of being abducted.
They live in fear of being eaten by wild animals.
They are raped.
They are prostituted.
They are beaten---in unimaginable ways.
They witness their friends being sold.
They live in fear being sold themselves.
They are forced to lie.
They steal out of necessity.
They are burned.
They are bruised.

Sometimes they wish they were never born.
They feel invisible.
They wonder why God doesn't like them.

They are crying out to the Lord because of their oppressor. Isaiah 19:20 

...And in a world where one third of the population claims to be Christian--- there needs to be no one left behind.   We know better."

Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.
For God understands all hearts, and he sees you.

   He who guards your soul knows you knew.

      He will repay all people as their actions deserve.

Proverbs 24:12

Random fun

I've resisted buying anything for our little guy until last week. For those of you donating, just want you to know that I was very frugal. These were both on clearance sales (for a whopping total of $1.98) and not really necessary right now, but I couldn't pass them up for what they represent to me of our next, exciting adventure with this precious treasure from God.  Plus, in the middle of the crazy, exhausting paperchase, I needed to celebrate!!

For your enjoyment, my big purchases:

               Toddler size swim trunks & blunt preschool scissors.
               Makes me smile that we're gonna need both.

THANK YOU and a little Adoption 101...

We are simply overwhelmed at God's provision!  Through many of you, we have met our first fundraising goal and begun working on the next one.  We have enough to finish our homestudy, pay our 1st installment at the adoption agency, file for US Immigration approval and apply for passports.  This is such welcome and wonderful blessing because things can keep moving forward.

There are pieces we simply have to wait on, no matter how hard we try to finish our objectives quickly.  Immigration approval, for example, takes about 8 weeks, whether you wish hard for it to go faster or not.  We have to have US Immigration Approval to complete our dossier (a packet of official documents that we send to China to tell them ALL about us.) There are so many steps toward making sure everything is correct, authentic, etc.  Suffice it to say, we run around crazy-like compiling and gathering a bunch of paperwork.  If we do it right (ha!), we will have all the other pieces in place ready to slap that Immigration approval (I-797) with them & send the whole kit and kaboodle off to Washington DC for the State Department & Chinese Embassy to certify.  Don't know how long that takes, but it's a hurry up and wait our turn. 

Then the dossier is off to our agency for final, fine-tooth-combed, review before it all gets sent to THE People's Republic of China.  Our somewhat realistic goal is to have our DTC (dossier to China) by mid-January (my dream goal is mid-December!!  Can't help it. I'm a glass half-full kinda girl!)  After we have a log in date (LID) in China, we will wait 2 (yea!!) to 6 (bleh...) months to be officially accepted, travel & get our SON!!  Again, lots just simply depends on who has our file at any given time, and how quickly they move on it.  We're praying for quick turn arounds, but we know many families who are praying the same way.  I know I'm God's favorite, but He's got to be fair, you know. ;)  (BTW, in case you didn't know, you are also God's favorite!!  Not sure how that happens, but it's just one of those divine mysteries I'm so thankful for!!) 

This journey is (littered? cluttered? polluted? filled?) with so many random expenses.  Like lab work and physicals, Express Mail for this, Priority Mail return envelopes for that, fees for this official piece of paper, filing fees here and there, notary fees for EACH AND EVERY document.  County certification, State certification, Embassy certification...  AAHHHHH!!!  I'm getting so used to notarizing everything that I nearly had my grocery list stamped by the Notary Public last week!  Whoa, Nelly....

So, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for helping us keep things moving with your generous & loving donations.  Our travel to China cannot happen soon enough.  Every day that passes, our son becomes more & more a part of our hearts, our thoughts, our dreams.  It's becoming so real to me that I have a child waiting for me that, at times, I can't breathe. I ALWAYS look at the clock and wonder what he's doing (probably sleeping, since he's 13 hours ahead!!) and who is watching over him.  

We are going to send a care package to him in a few weeks with pictures of us and our home, a blanket & some other items suggested by our agency.  I hope that someone will show him our pictures regularly so he KNOWS he has a family just dying to get him home.  I read another adoption blog last week where the family had sent pictures ahead.  Their little guy started pointing at them the moment he was brought into the room to meet them for the first time!!  Oh, Lord, let it be that way for us.  That is SO not the typical way it happens (there's usually lots of crying, wailing & gnashing of teeth OR quiet observation & resignation), but it would be BEYOND amazing if he had even some slight recognition of us!!

So, when you think about it, please pray for favor and quick work on the government's side of things in ALL adoptions.  BTW, would you please pray for our dear friends who are desperately waiting on permission to go to Russia and bring home their little girl?  They've waited far too long for her, and the Russian system has all but stopped pending more government intervention.  So many babies & families waiting to be united forever trapped by bureaucracy.

With grateful & FULL & longing hearts,

Fundraising, Body Mass Index, Financial Statements and other forms of public humiliation

If you read the backstory on why this blog is called Random Clarity, you know that insight, illumination, wisdom, whatever you want to call it, comes to me in weird pieces.  Perhaps all of us are like that or maybe yours comes more logically, but I'm enjoying the random glimpses behind the scenes that God allows me from time to time.  Most of the time, I really don't get a very satisfactory answer to the "why" behind the "what the heck is going on??", but I get grace to live with the questions.....and a healthy reminder that it's not all about ME.  Ouch, and Thank GOD!

We didn't choose an international adoption, but we believe that God chose it for our family.  There are lots of crazy pieces to this puzzle that are - frankly - embarrassing, humbling, uncomfortable, and (thankfully), amusing.  China has pretty strict requirements on Body Mass Index.  As if going to the doctor and stepping on the scales after rocking babies all winter long wasn't embarrassing enough.  Now, a foreign government is shining a flashlight on the pounds that crept on while I was sleep deprived & carb-loading & loving on our babies.  Ugh....at least I had fun doing it!!

Lab testing:  it's kind of amusing to hear the questions asked when my kids have to get HIV & Hep B tests and the uncommon answers.  Yes, we all still live at home.  Yes, I'm 18 (or 20) years old.  No, I'm not AT ALL at risk for an STD (yes, that's what that means!)  Surprised looks from the medical staff....

Ever hear of the Great Recession of 2008-2010 (and counting)?? Well, we did, and that's the time period all our financial documents are compiled from.  Downsizing, job-hunting, patching together part-time jobs.  I'm GLAD I'm not a fly on the wall when the adoption professionals review our paperwork.  One of the miracles of this adoption is that we were even approved to move forward.  God works in mysterious ways, His wonders to behold!!

Ahh.....fundraising.  Remember my quote from an earlier post?  "Nothing kills pride more than having to ask for money?"  Well, the humbling just BEGINS with the initial asking.  It continues powerfully when you receive an early donation from a family on their OWN, very expensive adoption journey...or one from a young family that is struggling to make ends meet because of job instability...or a friend who doesn't even let you finish telling the sweet story before she whips out her checkbook...or a 9-year-old who cracked open her piggy bank to help bring this little guy home.  The most unlikely & unexpected candidates give and give and give, and you stand there, helpless & dependent, receiving the blessings from a gracious God and obedient, ordinary heroes.

It's so hard...

And SO GOOD.

Baby steps closer to our baby with the help of community.  Ahhhh.....I like it.

On my soapbox

I saw an article this morning that reminded me of the recent statements of safety by the FDA of a drug being used to induce chemical abortions named "ella".  Typing that last phrase makes me SICK!  The beautiful name "Ella" has been one of the most popular baby girl names worldwide in the last decade. It means "beautiful fairy" or "bright light."  Most of you probably know an Ella personally.  I know several, including my precious niece.  When I first heard the news of this horrible drug, I wanted to scream.  What a huge slap in the face by HRA Pharma (creator of the drug) and Watson Pharmaceuticals (potential US distributor) to parents everywhere to use such a popular daughter's name as the name for their baby-killing compound!

But, this brings me to another sickening realization.  Many of us in the pro-life camp get all up in arms about abortions, abortion drugs, etc.  We support the pro-life cause:  we rally, put bumper stickers on our cars, and get outraged.  But, what if we make a TON of progress in slowing down abortions or even stopping them?  What then?  There will be more mommies who need support to raise their babies and babies who need homes in cases where their mommy chooses life but cannot raise her child.  Are we ready to rally to their side?  If not, we'd better not get so red-in-the-face with indignation.  We have to figure out a way to move beyond the rhetoric.

There are more than 400 million at-risk children worldwide, and more on the way if we can successfully slow the rate of abortions.  Those kids are vulnerable to every unimaginable evil.  Everyone can pray; everyone can advocate & spread the word.  Some can give money; some can be foster parents, or a mentor, or a Safe Family; some can adopt; some can come alongside a single parent, foster or adoptive family and give much needed support & respite. Some will feel compelled to support domestic causes; others will find their passion in the international community.  There is a place at the table for EVERYONE who values life to put feet to their words.  Please, just do something besides being "anti-abortion".

If you wonder where to begin, check out www.RetailROI.org or www.ShowHope.org, two amazing foundations that I personally can vouch for. There are A LOT of great organizations out there on the front lines.  Find one that makes your heart beat and join them in their work.

Stepping down now.

We got to $1,200, so here you go...

....but there's a LOOOONNNNGGG way to go, so please keep the coin comin'

:)

(killing our) Pride and (sharing our) Joy!!

On August 29th, we were foster parents and adoption advocates, trying desperately to help an agency find a family for a little guy they couldn't match to one of their waiting families.  The Chinese government was knocking on their door, asking for his file back.  Time was up.

On August 30th, we learned that his file was being returned to China.  We frantically emailed the agency to ask them to give us 24 more hours.  No answer.  We went to bed thinking his file was gone.


On August 31st, we learned that the file had been held up in the US one more day because one of the staff just "happened" to leave work early that day and didn't send it out.  That's when an amazing daddy said, "tell the agency we're going to go get him", and we became parents for the 4th time.

Wow. No, really, WOW!

Our son is a happy & beautiful 2 year old. He also happens to have some orthopedic issues involving one of his legs.  We have researched his condition & spoken with doctors about future surgeries & treatment.  What we know for certain is that he has already had 1 surgery and desperately needs physical therapy as soon as possible.  He IS walking and loves to play with cars.  He likes music, going outside to play and is affectionate and not shy around strangers.  Hmmm…already sounds like one of us!! 

There is so much we could say about our amazing and unexpected family journey over the past 6 or 7 years, the way that God has prepared and equipped us, and His beautiful plan for the next chapter in our family story.  We know He is calling us to this because it is not what we would have charted for ourselves. What a joyful suprise!

First, we ask that you would please pray for our family.

Ø      For strength and perseverance in the journey.  It may take us 1 year to get him home.  We hope not; we’re ready to fly out now!  We’re praying that it could be as little as 6 or 7 months since his paperwork is ready and we are already matched to him. 

Ø      For stamina and creativity as we plow through piles of documents, plan fundraisers and prepare for his physical needs.

Ø      For patience and peace.  Everyday that passes, he is growing up without his Mom & Dad, brother & 2 sisters who are eager to love on and care for him.  We’re already learning how hard the waiting is going to be!

Ø      For provision.  The estimated cost of this adoption will be around $25,000; we do not know what his immediate medical expenses will be after we return home.

Second, we ask for your financial help because we need and want you to be part of his story.  A friend recently said, “Nothing kills pride like having to ask for money”.  I don’t know many people who would disagree with that statement.  We wouldn’t.  But, honestly, the main thing in our way is money.  Can you help us?  If any of our children were stuck in a foreign country with no way to get home, we'd be on our hands and knees begging everyone we know for help.  That's the situation we find ourselves in right now.  The need is great, and God's resources are limitless, but He is asking us to humble ourselves and let everyone know what we need.

Please see the left sidebar of this blog for ways you can help us take the next step.  We are planning other fundraisers, but we have pressing expenses right now to keep the process moving forward.

Thank you.  We are truly grateful.

For our little guy,

Singing a new (old) song

God is so good.

God is so good.

God is so good; He's so good to me.

This simple, sweet chorus from my childhood has been hauntingly present in my thoughts recently.  Crazy enough, I've been kinda running away from it.  It's not because it's not true.  Oh, it's powerfully true.  It's not because it's a bad melody.  It's actually very easy & sweet.  One reason I'm running?  It's tied to a painful memory from my teenage years.

A few weeks ago, I was so privileged to sit under the wise & winsome teaching of Dr. Karyn Purvis at an Empowered to Connect conference.  Dr. Purvis, along with Michael & Amy Monroe, and Dan & Terri Coley reminded us of the truth that we must deal with and make sense of our own woundedness so we can parent our children (especially children from hard places) out of our healing not out of our wounds.  I sat through the conference wondering what kinds of Traumas (big) or traumas (little) I may still have unresolved from those younger years.  Honestly, I lived a blessed, sweet, protected and nurtured childhood.  I couldn't come up with any real examples as I sat there.  Please note that I didn't say that my childhood was free from great pain, loss, difficult changes, etc.  But, all in all, my folks navigated those years with a great deal of grace and taught us to stay close to God, the only One who could truly heal, comfort & restore life & joy in spite of hard stuff.

But God, in His kindness as a  Loving Father, is showing me that I still have some raw places relating to my childhood church family.  This sweet, simple chorus unlocked for me an area where I still needed the tender healing of God.  As I began hearing this song in my head this week, my first reaction was to dismiss it.  It wasn't a "cool" song; it was introduced to me by a people just going through the motions of life (or so I thought); it was boring, redundant and sung with little conviction; and, I learned it in a safe place that turned out to be not so safe.

What God is helping me to unpack is that I still have hurts from that time period when the only church I knew went through a contentious, painful split.  At the time, I could only feel the unkindness and hurt, and when I left home for college during that raw time, I vowed to never go back to that place.  What started as the hurt in a child's heart grew into an arrogant & dismissive posture of a young adult.

Over the years, I've dealt in bits & pieces with that sore spot in my life and have been able to forgive & move on.  But I realized over the past weeks that I still have a tiny remnant of arrogance & hurt left over.  As I've thought about that community of faith over the years, I've had mostly fond memories, but there was always a tiny red flag waving in the recesses of my mind, or more accurately, in my heart.  My heart would wince, and my head would say, "thank God I've moved away from and (I'm ashamed to admit) BEYOND those people and their ways."

So I've been reflecting on these uncomfortable revelations.  One of the foundational messages of the conference was to look for and discover the preciousness of a hard to reach, hard to parent child.  If we can't learn to do that, all of our formulas & strategies may be useless, even damaging.  We have to begin with compassion.

What if my refusal to completely forgive and to recognize the preciousness of my early community of faith was blocking me from complete healing?  If that hurt had been allowed to give way to arrogance and dismissiveness, what could I be missing?

I almost missed a simple, soothing, melodic way to calm an anxious little guy and to introduce my new son to some powerful truths about His Heavenly Father.

It may be the first song I sing to him in China.

God is so good...

He answers prayer...

I love Him so....

HE'S SO GOOD TO ME.

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BOY IN CHINA!!

25th Anniversary - Looks like we made it; look how far we've come, my baby

Do you remember the 21st night of September?
Love was changing the minds of pretenders
While chasing the clouds away

Our hearts were ringing
In the key that our souls were singing.
As we danced in the night,
Remember how the stars stole the night away

Ba de ya - say do you remember
Ba de ya - dancing in September
Ba de ya - never was a cloudy day

My thoughts are with you
Holding hands with your heart to see you
Only blue talk and love,
Remember how we knew love was here to stay

Now December found the love that we shared in September.
Only blue talk and love,
Remember the true love we share today

~ Earth, Wind & Fire

Happy Birthday to the Father of my Children

When Hubby & I got to that point in our dating when we realized that there might just be something in this match-up, the normal conversations about what we wanted for our future began to happen.  One of the many "dreaming together" sessions was, of course, about children.  We both definitely wanted children.  I KNEW I wanted children with THIS man. I saw his tender heart from the very first day we spent getting to know each other, sitting in the lobby of Dunn Hall on an ordinary Friday afternoon.  He carried a picture in his wallet of his niece, Katy, then 4 months old, and she was one of the first people he told me about.  As I watched him gush about her, I began to fall hard for him. That was my first glimpse into the heart of this man.


Greg wanted 2 children (he is one of 2); I always wanted 4 children (I am, you guessed it, one of 4).  So, we compromised at 3.  I'd love to tell you that we felt this was the perfect divine revelation delivered to us after much prayer and seeking God's wisdom.  But the truth is, while we DID and DO pray for God's direction for all of our life, we simply compromised at 3.  It felt right, it worked, although it wasn't what either of us had originally thought or planned.


So, fast forward to 2010.  We've lived through almost 17 years of parenting this odd group of 3 (and I don't mean odd NUMBERED group of 3...hee hee) and you know what happens.  God surprises us with new life, new dreams.  A new son.  It's a LITTLE different than we thought or planned or dreamed (are you seeing a pattern here?), but we are finding great joy in God's fulfillment of Psalm 37:4...Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.


You see, this time God gave us an opportunity to watch in joyful amazement & delight as He unfolded HIS plan, a plan we didn't see coming and didn't create out of our wisdom, common sense or earthly dreams.  God is showing us that as we desire to stay close to Him and participate in all that He is already doing in the world, He satisfies the deepest desires of our heart.  


God doesn't NEED us to meet the needs of our next door neighbors, the homeless downtown or the children & single moms in war-torn Africa.  I firmly believe that God, who is all, has all, and can do all, could drop a blanket of provision, healing and security over Sub-Saharan Africa or urban America that would end all suffering and amaze the world.  He could do that WITHOUT US, but He loves us so much that He lets us to do stuff with Him.  He ALLOWS us to be part of bringing provision, healing & hope.  Since He created us, He knows that we have deep desires for belonging, companionship, significance.  That we matter to SOMEONE.  That our lives mean something more than the tasks of our days.  Perhaps that's why He keeps inviting us to stay close to Him and do what He's doing - in our living rooms, our neighborhoods and the far corners of the world.  


God doesn't need the Kroeker family to foster babies or advocate for vulnerable children or adopt one of his precious children as our son.  The Kroeker family NEEDS to be involved in orphan care & advocacy; we NEED to adopt our little guy.  God has invited us to do these things out the many ways He's at work in the world.  We need to be with Him.


I cannot begin to count the many things we would've missed so far if we had not listened and responded to God's gracious invitation.  But I can tell you one thing:  if Greg had not desired to listen to the heart of God and responded to Him, I would've missed another beautiful opportunity to see the heart of this man.  When he learned that a certain little guy's file was in danger of being closed by the agency & returned to China, he said, "I'm not going to let that happen.  We're going to go get him."


Another little boy has a daddy.  I have a hero.


Happy Birthday to the love of my life, and the father of my FOUR children! :)

The BEST email in the world (so far)

...just communicated the INCREDIBLE news that we've been pre-approved by the Chinese government to adopt our SON!  [pardon me while I get a little "earthy", but this feels like the peeing-on-a-stick-and-seeing-the-blue-line moment.]  OH. MY. GOODNESS.

God is not messing around with this thing.  Once we realized this little guy was ours and said "yes", the train has been running full steam ahead.  The Chinese review process that was supposed to take up to 3-4 weeks, took 4 DAYS!  When they said "expedited process", they really meant it!!  We can share the great news and more information with everyone.  We can send care packages to him.  He can KNOW that he has a FAMILY waiting for him.  Soli Deo Gloria.  I'm in a puddle. :)

Interestingly enough, here's what I read this morning on a friend's Facebook status:

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! -- Psalm 27:14"

and if THAT was not enough, one of my "daughters" wrote this reminder:

"It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority." -- Acts 1:7

Ok, very good reminders at any time, but amazing & timely truth I really needed to hear this morning as I wait.  So, then God chooses that moment to bless me with this sweet news.

There is a mountain of paperwork and fees between us right now, but WE HAVE A SON.  An adorable, affectionate, 2-year-old Chinese son who likes music, going outside and playing with cars.  He has some orthopedic issues with one leg, but he is walking.  We can't wait to get him home and start some desperately needed physical therapy.  I'm not ready to post a picture here yet, but I have them "on my person", so catch up to me soon so you can gaze in wonder at our precious little guy.  He is beautiful.

We're hoping to bring him home as early as possible in the Spring, but we cannot do this alone.  Would you consider helping us?  This is all happening so quickly (at least THIS phase), that we have to raise at least $4,500 RIGHT NOW to even take the next step.  If you would like to be part of this first wave of fundraising, please check out the left side for ways to "Help Bring a little Kroeker Home!"  If even 1/2 of just our family's Facebook friends (not including all you regular people!!) would donate just $15-20 per person, we would have more than enough to cover ALL the fees that are due in this first part of our journey to him. Every little bit helps...the power of community. Thank you!!

And, just for fun....

First you must seek it. Then it will be revealed to you.

Wisdom...contentment...the fingerprints of God...

A few years ago, it occurred to me that much of my understanding about life, love & other mysteries (the work of God, among them!) comes to me through what appears to random clarity. - some people may call them "a-HA" moments.  I believe in the core of my being that things aren't random.  My hope & trust is in a loving God who is consistent, purposeful, powerful - one who loves to reveal Himself in many ways if, in the words of a precious friend, we choose to SEE. 


 So, really I know that the apparent randomness doesn't come from God but from me.  He's given me plenty of opportunities to see His good hand at work in my life and my world (Romans 1:19&20), so I know that it's ME who has random clarity as my heart & mind have eyes to see.  Maybe I'm not ready to see; maybe I'm too stubborn to see; maybe I have something blocking my ability to see. 


But God is THERE; He is REAL; He is MAKING SENSE out of all of my life.  


I just might be looking in a poor mirror for now.

The Good News, the Scary News, and a CHALLENGE

We got the WONDERFUL news on Monday that:

1. Our Letter of Intent for our little one has been sent to the government for their pre-approval.  We are "locked-in" to our child for now pending their decision; and,
2. Our application has been accepted by the placing agency!!

What that means.  We're a big step closer to our newest Kroeker!!

 .....and lots of fees are due RIGHT NOW.  Wow, things are moving quickly.  We've got to come up with about $2,300 right away, $1,900 in about 2 weeks, and another chunk a few weeks after that.  If we can't turn in the fees in a timely way, our paperwork process slows, and the date for bringing the lilttle whipper-snapper home gets pushed back. :'(

So, we're initiating a BRING A LITTLE KROEKER HOME FACEBOOK CHALLENGE.  We've figured that if even HALF of our family's facebook friends would jump in and donate just $15-20, we would have these fees covered.  Will you join us and be a wild & fun part of this story?

It could be CRAZY to see how much we could raise in only 24, 48 or 72 hours just through social networking.  The Challenge begins NOW!  Click on the DONATE button to the left.

This online/Paypal part of this fund-raising strategy is through Paypal, and therefore, not tax-deductible. If you would like to make a tax-deductible donation through our church, please see the instructions under the Paypal button.  Either way.....

THANK YOU!!!

Why family5k and more?

For several years, we've referred to our little homestead as "5kRanch".  It's not much of a ranch, just a few acres in the country with a small, older ranch-style home, a barn (we built with the help of a world-class contractor - my dad!!), and a couple of horses on a little more than 5 acres.  There are also 5 of us in the family, so 5K Ranch felt like it fit.  Of course, the common reference to a 5K race was just a fun side note.  Well, we are not a family of 5 any more, so what do we do?  6K?  We've already had 11 babies from interim care, so our "family" outpaced 5K quite a while ago.  So, if you were wondering why "family5Kandmore"? There you have it.  Welcome to our world.

Wow, this just might be fun!

Entering the blog world with fear & trepidation.....