Life is Messy

I don't always get what I want; God always takes me places where I need to go.  The things I want (naturally) are not good for me; the things God knows I need bring life & growth.  I want EASY, but with wonderful results.  I've got to do HARD to actually get stronger and more healthy, physically, relationally, emotionally, spiritually.


I really enjoy the show The Biggest Loser.  I wish I could say that I walk on the treadmill while I watch, but I don't.  I'm more likely to enjoy a fine glass of milk with cookies while watching the contestants bust their fannies. The show, however, gives me hope, encouragement & inspiration (and a good kick in the pants occasionally).  If an out-of-shape 350 pound woman can courageously push herself to work out for 4-5 hours, why can't I do 45 minutes without complaining?  I love the feeling after I've worked out; I often have trouble motivating myself to do it.


Until now.


I'm living in a messy life right now.  In the past 4 months, my world has turned upside down.  

• My precious sister lost her beloved husband in a tragic accident, leaving her a widow with 2 small boys to raise without their daddy.  
• About 4 weeks later, my brother's family experienced difficult challenges following a family member's stroke.  
• My mother-in-law has been officially diagnosed with Stage 1, Parkinson's disease.
• I've changed jobs twice in 3 months: from a 6-year tenure in children's ministries, to an all-too-short stint with a foundation involved in orphan care & advocacy, to an unexpected new position caring for and managing the affairs of my in-laws.  
• And last night, I got a call that my dad was in the hospital for some tests after passing out.  He's a past heart patient.  Preliminary tests are good, but we wait for more news.

OH, and we're adopting the most amazing little man in China....after a 15 year gap raising a toddler...as mid-forty-somethings...and one of us packed on 20 pounds this winter: carb-loading & sleep deprived while rocking babies non-stop for 6 months.  


I think it's an octopus who is dropping shoes in my world.


I'm tired.


But, just as sitting on the couch savoring cookies and milk will not make me strong, healthy and able to handle physical challenges, taking the easy road, having no strife, no mess, no craziness may make me relationally, spiritually, emotionally weak and out of breath when the hard stuff comes (and it DOES come).


I love that God is with the crazy,
the messy,
the hard.


Last week, I posted on my Facebook that I felt "worn down, like a piece of glass".  It's a phrase from "Give Me the Meltdown" by one of my favorites artists, Rob Thomas, off his amazing Cradlesong CD.  (side note: it's a tribute album to his wife in their journey living with her auto-immune disease.)  When I wrote those phrases, they simply captured what I was feeling, but God used one of my friends to encourage me in her response:

"Sea glass... Tumbled trash then comes on shore as beautiful treasure."

I imagine that she had no idea how God would use those words to encourage me in the messiness (thank you, Jamie!!)  Without the tumbling, sandy grit, turbulent water and mess of the ocean, we would simply find sharp, possibly harmful pieces of trash littering the shoreline instead of beautiful, smooth, pieces of glass that are then often woven into captivating artwork.  So, I'm trying to accept the messy, turbulent, gritty journey I'm in right now and waiting for the day that God takes my smoothed out, worn down, shiny story & places it alongside others smoothed out, worn down, shiny stories into a beautiful, translucent piece of art that allows His glory and light to be revealed.

Sea Glass Art

Scottish Fishermans Museum by dumbledad

"One of the most unique and beautiful souvenirs you can find along any seaside or lakeside beach are bits of sea glass polished and cured by the waves....Their beauty lies in their colors, especially when light is shown through them and because of that, some collectors will eventually turn this debris into some truly astounding art."  (from http://www.odysseyseaglass.com)

In the "tumbler", I'm comforted by these words:

All my longings lie open before you, Lord; 

my sighing is not hidden from you.

Psalm 38:9

And, from the 2nd chapter of Jonah:

 You hurled me into the depths, into the very heart of the seas,
   and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers swept over me.
I said, ‘I have been banished from your sight;
yet I will look again toward your holy temple.’
The engulfing waters threatened me,
   the deep surrounded me;
   seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
   the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God, 

brought my life up from the pit.

My Father is Lord of the ocean.

I'm not alone in the gritty turbulence.

Hallelujah.