When Hubby & I got to that point in our dating when we realized that there might just be something in this match-up, the normal conversations about what we wanted for our future began to happen. One of the many "dreaming together" sessions was, of course, about children. We both definitely wanted children. I KNEW I wanted children with THIS man. I saw his tender heart from the very first day we spent getting to know each other, sitting in the lobby of Dunn Hall on an ordinary Friday afternoon. He carried a picture in his wallet of his niece, Katy, then 4 months old, and she was one of the first people he told me about. As I watched him gush about her, I began to fall hard for him. That was my first glimpse into the heart of this man.
Greg wanted 2 children (he is one of 2); I always wanted 4 children (I am, you guessed it, one of 4). So, we compromised at 3. I'd love to tell you that we felt this was the perfect divine revelation delivered to us after much prayer and seeking God's wisdom. But the truth is, while we DID and DO pray for God's direction for all of our life, we simply compromised at 3. It felt right, it worked, although it wasn't what either of us had originally thought or planned.
So, fast forward to 2010. We've lived through almost 17 years of parenting this odd group of 3 (and I don't mean odd NUMBERED group of 3...hee hee) and you know what happens. God surprises us with new life, new dreams. A new son. It's a LITTLE different than we thought or planned or dreamed (are you seeing a pattern here?), but we are finding great joy in God's fulfillment of Psalm 37:4...Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
You see, this time God gave us an opportunity to watch in joyful amazement & delight as He unfolded HIS plan, a plan we didn't see coming and didn't create out of our wisdom, common sense or earthly dreams. God is showing us that as we desire to stay close to Him and participate in all that He is already doing in the world, He satisfies the deepest desires of our heart.
God doesn't NEED us to meet the needs of our next door neighbors, the homeless downtown or the children & single moms in war-torn Africa. I firmly believe that God, who is all, has all, and can do all, could drop a blanket of provision, healing and security over Sub-Saharan Africa or urban America that would end all suffering and amaze the world. He could do that WITHOUT US, but He loves us so much that He lets us to do stuff with Him. He ALLOWS us to be part of bringing provision, healing & hope. Since He created us, He knows that we have deep desires for belonging, companionship, significance. That we matter to SOMEONE. That our lives mean something more than the tasks of our days. Perhaps that's why He keeps inviting us to stay close to Him and do what He's doing - in our living rooms, our neighborhoods and the far corners of the world.
God doesn't need the Kroeker family to foster babies or advocate for vulnerable children or adopt one of his precious children as our son. The Kroeker family NEEDS to be involved in orphan care & advocacy; we NEED to adopt our little guy. God has invited us to do these things out the many ways He's at work in the world. We need to be with Him.
I cannot begin to count the many things we would've missed so far if we had not listened and responded to God's gracious invitation. But I can tell you one thing: if Greg had not desired to listen to the heart of God and responded to Him, I would've missed another beautiful opportunity to see the heart of this man. When he learned that a certain little guy's file was in danger of being closed by the agency & returned to China, he said, "I'm not going to let that happen. We're going to go get him."
Another little boy has a daddy. I have a hero.
Happy Birthday to the love of my life, and the father of my FOUR children! :)
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