Happy Chinese New Year!!

Hoping to get a package to our little guy for Chinese New Year.  Some friends are travelling to the motherland in a few days, so we hope they can somehow get it to him.

It's been fun to read about the traditions surrounding this most important of all Chinese holidays.  For starters, it lasts 15 days.  FIFTEEN DAYS!!  And the country all but closes down for nearly a week - government, post office, many businesses - to party!  Fireworks, dumplings, new haircuts, decluttering and lots of days off to play & visit with family & friends!  These people know how to celebrate.

What this means for us:

1. Little brother probably has a new buzz cut.  It's traditional for good luck to get haircuts (really SHORT ones in the orphanages!)
2. One extra week to get our dossier ready to send off since the mail wasn't going anywhere anyway.  It's with our agency & ready to go as soon as they resume mailing to China (maybe this Friday????!!!)
3. Good excuse to have Chinese food ALOT in the next 2 weeks.  (meh....who needs an excuse?)

In other top stories:

I need a personal assistant or life coach to sort out my life and give me a list of things to do in the proper order.  But just not any help will do.  I cannot sift through all of the stuff piling up in my head, so I'm looking for someone who can go inside my mind, extract all the info they need, organize it and give me a plan.  If I have to explain anything, I'll be halfway there or I may just confuse everyone.  Maybe I need a MOMMY to just give me my list of chores for each day.  Seriously, there are balls in the air that I didn't put there and have no idea how they got there, but they are giving in to the law of gravity and falling one by one all around me.  I don't know where to even start most of the time.

But, I digress.....

God is showing up around every corner (and near every dropped ball!!) to encourage, bless, provide & care for us.  We are grateful for the timely reminders that He is faithful and good - answered prayers, shared stories, surprise donations to our adoption, good friends who encourage & walk with us.  Someone shared these words yesterday to encourage our friends, the Hooks, in their long, long, long.......adoption journey to their daughter.  I know these words were intended for them, but they were balm for my soul, too.  If there is anything that makes a heart grow faint, it is knowing that your child is on the other side of the world where you cannot get to her (or him.)

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)

 

Thankful and waiting,

Life is nuts; "baby's" first smile.

Wow, 6 weeks goes by FAST when you are ...... stressed & running around....and you thought I was going to say, "having fun".  HA!

Life is full, crazy, busy, stressful.  We are in a huge season of transition as we move in-laws close to help them (and let them watch their 7th grandchild grow up!!)  In the interim, I have loaded my plate way too full, so I'll soon have to re-tool and reorganize my schedule, commitments, home ("workspace"), etc.  Most days, I can manage to keep hope & joy alive, but some days I simply cannot.  And, never on my own strength.  God is good to stay by and care for this weak little girl of His!

We are in the "2nd trimester" wait for this amazing gift to our family.  How I wish I could say we are further along & nearing travel for him.  When we started out, I just believed that we could (possibly, with a lot of luck, paperwork cooperation & a sprinkle of fairy dust) travel in mid to late March to bring our angel home.  I quickly realized that April was more realistic - still hopeful & optimistic, but doable.  Even though I'm still praying & working toward April, we may very well not be able to travel until May or June.  Do I believe God's timing is perfect and that Joel will come home at the exact right time?  YES.  Is it hard to accept that it may be summer?  YES, TO INFINITY!!!!  In the scheme of our lives, 4-5 more months is not much, but 4-5 more DAYS without my son seems too long.

So, to keep me going, God has given us an update on our precious little guy, and we continue to pray that he will be protected, safe & continue to grow healthy.  He sure is growing in our hearts!!  Oh, the mystery of how we love our son/brother, and we've never even met!!  Part of that update included pictures - our first glimpse of his adorable smile.  Enjoy..... (oh, and keep praying!!)

Hi....I'm Joel....go ahead and take the picture.  :)

Updates....just random stuff

Not much creativity here tonight, so I'm just going to give you the facts, ma'am, just the facts. (and some random musings from my week)

1.  if you are going to have a Jesus bumper sticker on your car, you ought to think about driving well & courteously.

2. It is terrifying to hand over documents you've spent countless hours (and just a little coin on) to someone and feel great about them taking care of the package appropriately for you.  Not too comforting.

3. it's crazy to compile all the documents needed for this International dossier, but it sure is fun to show my little boy's picture and tell the story of how we are now a family of 6.  At least I can be glad about that while 
I'm imagining a couple of truck loaders tossing my certified documents around like a sack of potatoes.


4.  if you ever consider wallpapering over panelling, please, for the love of mustard, DON'T. Future generations will thank you.  If you must, at least have the courtesy to put it on with really weak adhesive.

5. don't smoke in your home unless you NEVER plan to sell it to another living soul.

6.  make sure you get a REALLY good deal on a house that's been previously smoked in.  a REALLY, UNBELIEVABLY GOOD DEAL.

7. and hope that you find a really good deal on Kilz and paint.

8.  the US Immigration office (USCIS for short) doesn't know the difference between a 9 and a 1.  And because of that, they decided that we hadn't really paid for Audra's biometrics (aka fingerprinting).

9. and apparently the department who cashed our check and the department who is handling our case aren't speaking to each other right now.  Lover's spat???

10.  The USCIS requires a copy of the FRONT AND BACK of the canceled check (for the right amount) that THEY misread as $80 too short.  And, unfortunately, your case is on hold until you can produce said copy of canceled check.

11.  The bank doesn't open until 8:30am.  Oh, they answer the phones and let you drive through at 7:30am, but it really doesn't do any good to arrive at, say 8:19am on a cold Monday morning if you need to get a copy of a canceled check.  Even if the US Immigration Service is waiting on you.

12.  I write really good blogs full of wit, zingers, interesting tidbits and compelling information while I'm driving in my car...with no access to the blog.

13.  my short term memory is shot.  can't remember much about the award-winning blogs I wrote somewhere along the I-65 corridor.

14.  i love adoption travel blogs.

15.  i'm terribly saddened by adoption travel blogs.

16.  We REALLY need a few more (hundred) contestants for the Ipod Nano giveaway.  Or the winner selected will have the distinct honor of having his or her shiny red Ipod Nano Touch purchased for them by an adorable 2 year old little guy who is waiting to come home. 

17.  The adorable 2 year old doesn't have the money to buy anyone an Ipod.  Even if he could get a good deal in China.

18.  Only $10 a chance (more $; more chances!)  for a good cause.  details in last blog entry.

19.  I'm incredibly jealous of, but SO THANKFUL for Megan, Donna & Diana.  Three women I've never met but who so unselfishly offered to take a care package to my son & get pictures & video of him this week, while they were on their own adoption trips.  Three little boys are coming home forever in a few days. Wow!  This stuff doesn't get old.  (and, they have some great pics on their blogs of what we will be experiencing next Spring)

20.  A baby changes everything.  (Love the song; love the truth.)

21.  OHHHH!!  I almost forgot to update:  my dad is doing well. Turns out, his medication was all messed up and caused him to pass out.  BUT, the God thing in all this is that they found a clot during all the random testing and were able to begin to dissolve it.  Had it gone unnoticed, it would have probably killed him.  We're grateful that he passed out and fell off the ladder (well, not really, but, you know....)  Cool thing - his heart is good, and he has no restrictions.  We'll all be together this year for Christmas.  and we'll also be giving thanks!

Congratulations on getting through the whole post.  Your reward?  A picture of our son doing what Kroeker boys do best.  :)  Is that a Twinkie?  In China?!

Music to Soothe a Toddler's Soul UPDATE

UPDATE.  We have had to cancel this fundraiser for now.  The donations haven't come in to cover the cost of the Ipod, so we feel that it would be wrong to take money OUT of Joel's adoption fund to purchase it.  Sorry to the few that sent donations in; if we have another fundraiser like this, we'll be sure to add your names into the hat!  If you'd rather, we would be happy to return your donation; just let us know.  Thanks for understanding.

Merry Christmas, everyone!!

Life is Messy

I don't always get what I want; God always takes me places where I need to go.  The things I want (naturally) are not good for me; the things God knows I need bring life & growth.  I want EASY, but with wonderful results.  I've got to do HARD to actually get stronger and more healthy, physically, relationally, emotionally, spiritually.


I really enjoy the show The Biggest Loser.  I wish I could say that I walk on the treadmill while I watch, but I don't.  I'm more likely to enjoy a fine glass of milk with cookies while watching the contestants bust their fannies. The show, however, gives me hope, encouragement & inspiration (and a good kick in the pants occasionally).  If an out-of-shape 350 pound woman can courageously push herself to work out for 4-5 hours, why can't I do 45 minutes without complaining?  I love the feeling after I've worked out; I often have trouble motivating myself to do it.


Until now.


I'm living in a messy life right now.  In the past 4 months, my world has turned upside down.  

• My precious sister lost her beloved husband in a tragic accident, leaving her a widow with 2 small boys to raise without their daddy.  
• About 4 weeks later, my brother's family experienced difficult challenges following a family member's stroke.  
• My mother-in-law has been officially diagnosed with Stage 1, Parkinson's disease.
• I've changed jobs twice in 3 months: from a 6-year tenure in children's ministries, to an all-too-short stint with a foundation involved in orphan care & advocacy, to an unexpected new position caring for and managing the affairs of my in-laws.  
• And last night, I got a call that my dad was in the hospital for some tests after passing out.  He's a past heart patient.  Preliminary tests are good, but we wait for more news.

OH, and we're adopting the most amazing little man in China....after a 15 year gap raising a toddler...as mid-forty-somethings...and one of us packed on 20 pounds this winter: carb-loading & sleep deprived while rocking babies non-stop for 6 months.  


I think it's an octopus who is dropping shoes in my world.


I'm tired.


But, just as sitting on the couch savoring cookies and milk will not make me strong, healthy and able to handle physical challenges, taking the easy road, having no strife, no mess, no craziness may make me relationally, spiritually, emotionally weak and out of breath when the hard stuff comes (and it DOES come).


I love that God is with the crazy,
the messy,
the hard.


Last week, I posted on my Facebook that I felt "worn down, like a piece of glass".  It's a phrase from "Give Me the Meltdown" by one of my favorites artists, Rob Thomas, off his amazing Cradlesong CD.  (side note: it's a tribute album to his wife in their journey living with her auto-immune disease.)  When I wrote those phrases, they simply captured what I was feeling, but God used one of my friends to encourage me in her response:

"Sea glass... Tumbled trash then comes on shore as beautiful treasure."

I imagine that she had no idea how God would use those words to encourage me in the messiness (thank you, Jamie!!)  Without the tumbling, sandy grit, turbulent water and mess of the ocean, we would simply find sharp, possibly harmful pieces of trash littering the shoreline instead of beautiful, smooth, pieces of glass that are then often woven into captivating artwork.  So, I'm trying to accept the messy, turbulent, gritty journey I'm in right now and waiting for the day that God takes my smoothed out, worn down, shiny story & places it alongside others smoothed out, worn down, shiny stories into a beautiful, translucent piece of art that allows His glory and light to be revealed.

Sea Glass Art

Scottish Fishermans Museum by dumbledad

"One of the most unique and beautiful souvenirs you can find along any seaside or lakeside beach are bits of sea glass polished and cured by the waves....Their beauty lies in their colors, especially when light is shown through them and because of that, some collectors will eventually turn this debris into some truly astounding art."  (from http://www.odysseyseaglass.com)

In the "tumbler", I'm comforted by these words:

All my longings lie open before you, Lord; 

my sighing is not hidden from you.

Psalm 38:9

And, from the 2nd chapter of Jonah:

 You hurled me into the depths, into the very heart of the seas,
   and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers swept over me.
I said, ‘I have been banished from your sight;
yet I will look again toward your holy temple.’
The engulfing waters threatened me,
   the deep surrounded me;
   seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
   the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God, 

brought my life up from the pit.

My Father is Lord of the ocean.

I'm not alone in the gritty turbulence.

Hallelujah.

In honor of my son, and other sons & daughters

Natural child: any child who is not artificial. 

Real parent: any parent who is not imaginary. 

Your own child: any child who is not someone else’s child. 

Adopted child: a natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own!

To celebrate Adoption/Orphan Awareness Month, I thought I'd share a few resources that celebrate positive adoption language.  I'm sure this is redundant for many of you who are in the adoption community, but I thought these were helpful to bring a sweet light on the beauty of building our families in this way, and to dispell some of the old ways of thinking that this is somehow a "plan B" at best.  Disclaimer:  I really think that we all can go overboard on the whole politically correct thinking/language issue and that most of the time, people do not mean the insensitive, hurtful things they unwittingly say, whether it's about adoption, ethnicity, social or economic status, or whatever.  I think it's important to have some degree of thick skin, a ton of grace & meaningful education in all things.  Life's too short to split hairs, but words can truly wound and reveal the heart of one's attitude.  I'm more concerned about our heart toward adopted children rather than the actual words we use, but this is good food for thought.

"First introduced by Minneapolis social worker Marietta Spencer more than 20 years ago, positive adoption language is crafted to give the maximum respect, dignity, responsibility, and objectivity about the decisions made by both birthparents and adoptive parents in discussing the family planning decisions they have made for children who have been adopted. By using positive adoption language, we help abolish the old stereotype that adoption is second best – a dirty little secret that everyone knows about. 

If you stop and really think about what you’re saying, positive adoption language is just common sense. For example, take terms such as real parent, real mother, real father, real family – these terms imply that an adopted child is not a real part of the family. By using phrases like this, you are invalidating both the child being a “real” part of the family and the “realness” of the family itself. 

Through the use of positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. By consistently speaking (and writing) in positive adoption language, someday this language will become commonplace – and the old hurtful terms will only serve to expose those who choose to be mean and small-minded. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption, like birth, is just another way to build a family. Both are important, but one is not necessarily better than the other."  [Excerpted from "International Adoption Guidebook," Mary M. Strickert © 2004] 

Here are a couple more links to read or share:

http://international.adoption.com/foreign/adoption-language-2.html

http://www.holtinternational.org/adoption/language.shtml

http://www.ppl.org/adoptlan.html

Happy Adoption/Orphan Awareness Month!!  We're thankful to have a new reason to celebrate this year. :)

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.  John 14:18

Is Love Enough? Depends...

A must read blog entry.  As my pastor would say, this is a "cookies on the bottom shelf" kind of post.  Honest, real, accessible, hopeful.


Here's the first paragraph.

Adopting in response to your faith, answering "the call of adoption," means nothing if you don't adopt to love a child. Yes, y'all, it really IS that simple. Don't adopt to save a child. Nor to rescue a child. And definitely don't do it just to prove or grow your faith. Or to join the "in crowd." If you aren't adopting to love a child, then STOP. Don't adopt. You won't gain anything. Neither will the child. The end.

Read the rest here.  So worth it:

http://ourlittletongginator.blogspot.com/2010/05/love-and-adoption.html